A few notes on life right now:

1) Last week, I think things “clicked” for more of my coworkers. There was a day where everyone got my name right, and a few people who I thought might be avoiding addressing me directly used my name comfortably. This is about a month out from the official announcement. I’ve met several new collaborators simply as Ezekiel and no one has balked.

2) I’ve noticed my reaction to “misgendering” is shifting. It used to be every “sir” made me happy and the “ma’ams” rolled off because I was expecting them anyway. As I pass a bit more reliably, when people gender me as female I really bristle. I had two instances in a row in which I was asked my name in a restaurant/cafe setting, and I said my very clearly male and very easy name, and someone heard a female name. In one case I was able to correct, in the other, a very girly name got yelled out when my order came up, at a restaurant where most of the staff actually know & remember my name. I was angry. Not that I did anything about it, but it really bothered me.

3) At work, I no longer trek to another building to find a single stall neutral bathroom. I instead go completely across the building three floors away near an area where no men work, and use that bathroom. I consider this progress.

4) I’ve got this thing worked out at the gym where I change in a neutral single stall restroom. But this means I have to leave my bag (with my computer) in my office, because the only place to lock is in the locker rooms. This makes it harder to go to the gym if I need to go someplace else after. Today, I went into the mens locker room. All I did was lock up my bag and then leave, but I went in.

5) I turned in my name change paperwork to the court.

I have a few deeper thoughts rattling around in here. There’s one about how I think I might be feeling/acting if my wife were the one who turned out to be trans (hint: I don’t think I’d be being as awesome as she is). There’s another about trying to figure out the interplay between how much of the relief I feel as I transition is social and how much is physical and the weird ways in which they interact. But those will have to wait. This is all I’ve got right now.

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