I feel like I should write something down tonight, because tomorrow feels important, and one of my points in writing is to remember where I’ve been, to remember what I feel like right now.

That doctor’s appointment, the one that I’ve now been waiting months for (first to get through a rough patch at work, and then an extra month when the doctor had to reschedule), is tomorrow morning. I’m not going to get testosterone tomorrow, but I am going to tell a doctor out loud that I’d like to get this show on the road, get baseline lab work done, and set the wheels in motion so as to start ASAP.

I feel many things in anticipation. I feel alternately expectant, impatient, hesitant, very sure of myself and convinced I should just try a little longer without. I feel so much more dissatisfied with where I currently am, in particular with how I am perceived, apparently in anticipation of taking a step toward a new space. In typical fashion for me, I think I probably should have researched more, that I’m not ready, like probably I should have been preparing for this like for a mathematics qualifying exam.

In short, I’m not exactly a mess, but I’m definitely a piece of work. Wish me luck.

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