I went out on a “first date” with Ezekiel this weekend, which was fun. We got to joke all night about how it was a first date after almost 11 years together. But most of the night I either called him Ezekiel, or one of a couple of gender-neutral names we are trying on. We pretty much talked non-stop for six hours or more, and while we branched into other topics occasionally, a lot of it centered on gender & transitioning, or subjects that are closely connected to those topics.
I can’t even imagine summarizing all of that in a short post, and I can’t even remember all of it. I can say that I have more confidence that Ezekiel/Lyn knows what he wants and knows that he wants it. He has an appointment to see a gender therapist, which is a huge step for him as he has good reason to want to stay far away from therapists. We talked about things like T, top surgery, connecting more with friends who know something is up, and finding a way to talk about what is going on with more friends. I encouraged him to admit to more of his desires out loud and to claim them.
I felt really good for the whole date, and like I was able to talk about the good things and difficult things that are going on for me. I felt really happy to be out in public with Ezekiel/Lyn, holding the space in my head for him to be a man. I still feel a disconnect between that wonderful date and the rest of my world, in which Ezekiel is Lyn, and Lyn is a woman. And I wonder what this week will bring.