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I figured out that I was a lesbian when I was 18. Actually, it hadn’t really even occurred to me before my roommate kissed me one night in college. After that I figured it out pretty quick. I remember feeling like everyone would think I was just a poser — if I was a real lesbian, I would have known before age 18. That’s an interesting parallel to Lyn’s gender explorations right now. Most of the things she reads by trans guys say that “they always knew” and that’s just not been her experience at all. I think she’s seeing now that there is a lot that she’s ignored, and there certainly are signs of gender non-conformity, she’s not connecting with the narrative of “I always knew.”

Neither is she necessarily trans. Right now if you pressed her to claim something, she might be willing to claim genderqueer, or perhaps butch. But both she and I struggle to name what is going on for her, and most of the time we are trying not to actually name it, just to experience it and find ways to enjoy being where we are right now without worrying about the future or about the ultimate question of Lyn’s gender identity.