Gail and I have been writing here for about four years, and we’re ready to say goodbye.
What we’ve thought about and written here has been absolutely formative for us, for how we understand each other as parents, our relationships with our kids, our place in the world as a queer family. We’ve found an amazing community in our readers and in other writers blogging about queer families. Writing here has helped us to take a good solid look at both the hard stuff and the amazing stuff about our own family, and to examine what it takes to build families like ours. I like to think that the record we’ve made has helped other families get on their feet and maybe helped some to notice things they might not have seen otherwise. I hope we’ve sometimes provided that bit of recognition, that sense of “Oh, maybe I’m not the only one who feels this way.”
Posts here have gotten even less frequent of over the last several months, and we know this has not gone unnoticed. People have asked us to write more, and despite intentions, and even the occasional good idea, we just aren’t. There are lots of reasons for this, most of which are just life moving on, and energy going towards other things. Partly though, I think we’re cutting back because we have already said what we came here to say.
Instead of leaving the blog just hanging here, we wanted to officially let you know that we are stepping away. In some sense, where we ended, with a long-overdue story of Ira’s birth from the non-bio-mom perspective, seems fitting. When we started writing here, we were in the thick of trying to conceive the baby that turned out to be him, and we’ve always had a passion for understanding and describing our experiences as non-gestational-parents (NGPs).
We can’t really say for sure whether or not we’re going to be back. My gut sense is that we’re moving on. But we’ll be keeping this writing public at this same url. At this point, we’ll be closing comments on old posts, but leaving this thread open, and you can always reach us at firsttimesecondtime at gmail. Thanks everyone for the smart comments and good thoughts over the years. Keep talking to each other, telling your stories, and looking hard at your assumptions.
And with that, we’d like to leave you with links to some of our favorite posts, in no particular order:
- Mother or Father?
- Non-Bio Mom Manifesto
- NGP Birth Story Round-up
- Flying Solo
- When your toddler prefers one parent
- Old Pain and New Paths
- “Maybe they won’t care”
- Inducing Lactation: a wrap-up of the big experiment
- Who should birth the baby?
- An old scar, revisited
- Third Time?
- Do you love them differently?
- Donor Sibling Registry: Yay or Nay or…
- How do we refer to parents in two-mom families?
- I’m grateful for the chance to be an NGP
- What we did right without knowing it (3 parts, starts here)
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
My partner and I are about a year behind you guys in the parenting business (although we did not do the switcheroo as you did). I’ve really enjoyed your insightful writing, and I know I’ll be back to review many of your posts as we continue in our journey. All the best!
This makes a lot of sense to me. And also makes me really sad. As someone who’s a few years behind you in this whole parenting gig, it has been very helpful to read about your experiences. Thanks for all that you have shared!
pajamamommas recently posted..Adventures big and small
I am sorry the blogosphere will be losing you, but glad to hear it is just because the business of life leaves you without the time or inclination to continue writing here (as opposed to some tragic reason).
As I think I’ve mentioned in comments somewhere in here, I — being a straight “DI” dad — often identify with GLBT NGPs (lotta letters there), with whom I have much more in common than mainstream straight biological dads. In my quest to prepare myself for the journey of raising my DC son, I’ve enjoyed absorbing posts from many blogs from all kinds of families. This was one of my favorites.
Good luck and much happiness to you in your continued journey!
Vinnie
I’m sad to hear this and I’ll miss your writing. It feels like there’s a shift happening right now and a lot of the oldies are shutting down. I’m particularly sad about yours though.